Life, As Of Now

Life is a series of moments with the people we love. Happy moments. Sad moments. Life-changing moments. But we ultimately have the power to choose our own moments.

Are you happy with the moments that you are choosing?

I am.

If you aren't, maybe you should do something to change your moments. A moment lasts for a second, and then it is time to make a new one. Next time, do something that will make you happy.

Just a Year Ago..

Just a year ago, I was landing in Australia for the adventure of a lifetime. Where did the time go?

This week has been difficult. One, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the whole week. Too busy! Two, Friday marked my anniversary of leaving. Majorly depressing.

Life was completely different a year ago. I'm not saying I want to go back to the way things were, but I miss it. I miss Sydney. I miss adventures. I miss independence. I miss my friends that I met there- Australian, international, and American.

I definitely feel that I have grown up in the last year. In some ways, I was forced to. While abroad, I started to learn more about myself and started to see what I wanted out of life.

I want to travel. I want to experience new things. More and more, I am wanting to just be free and roam around the states doing useless jobs to earn money. (I know, it is not completely realistic.) But I don't want to settle down. I used to want to get married young and have kids. I am even doubting if I want to get married right now. (Ha- that is one thing that hasn't changed... the complexities of my love life!) There is just so much to life and the world. I hate sitting idly.

If I want something to happen, I have to MAKE it happen. And this is my philosophy for the next few years. At this point, I don't know what is to come after student teaching in December, but I have lots of goals and options.

I like options.

--------

Now, why can't I find decent options in regards to MEN? Different post entirely...

Blo-No Bored Blues

I came up with this awesome description today. Feel free to steal it, but I am copy-writing it.

So what does Blo-No Bored Blues mean?

It means that I am hitting that part of the semester where nothing makes me happy. This semester has been full of fun, bars, my sisters, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of this month of school. But now, I am bored. This happens a lot. And by a lot I mean every two months. Yeah, we're going to go with that.

It does not help that my one year anniversary of leaving for Sydney is coming up in 6 days. Yes, it is an unhealthy obsession. But seriously, ONE YEAR AGO? How is that even possible? So add that to the massive amounts of snow that make me unhappy, and we've got Blo-No Bored Blues.

I need ADVENTURE. Bloomington does not offer me with a lot of adventures. I also work in strange ways. Instead of going out and finding adventure, I become a hermit. I stay in my room and watch unhealthy amounts of TV shows. (Okay, three seasons of Veronica Mars was because I was sick!)

I am counting down to the days that I can get out of this state (or at least city). Only one problem: I have no idea when that will be! It's a little difficult to have a countdown to something that does not exist yet. Shucks.

For now, I will have to be happy and look forward to March 12, SEATTLE! At least that is one adventure in my upcoming future. I better start planning the next one for after that... maybe someplace to visit one of my study abroad friends?

Off to look at more Australia pictures and reread old blogs. Not really. (Maybe.)

Remembrance By Celebration

Today could have been a very terrible day. January 23. My dad's birthday. I realized about three days ago that his birthday was approaching. It is difficult to think about someone's birthday. My dad died at 55. He never reached 56. He never will. Am I the only one that thinks this is a crazy concept?

I don't get it. Not sure if I ever will.

But anyways, I woke up this morning with a feeling in my gut. Thanks to my lovely sisters, though, the day was not lost. I could have spent all day being a hermit in my bedroom, but instead I enjoyed watching the Blackhawks' and Bears' games on TV.

We yelled. We ranted. We shouted OBSCENITIES. We made fun of each other. We had a blast.

I just want to say thank you to those who made me forget what today really was. I'm not saying I forgot about my dad, but I celebrated instead. He would have wanted it that way.

So Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Traditional New Year Post

I found this image on Flickr at the start of the new year. It has been my little motto for 2011. This is definitely a long overdo new year post. Honestly, I don't even know what I wanted to say in this anymore.

2010 was a roller coaster of a ride. I started the year head over heels for a boy, waiting to leave for Australia, being away from my school friends, and dying from boredom at home. Then in February, I left for Sydney and spent some of the best moments of my life down under. In June (and July), tragedy hit the family. Anyone who knew me last semester knows that I had a really hard time coming to grips with the new reality that was my life. Being back at IWU was challenging. Dealing with a long distance friendship/relationship with someone that I care deeply about was breaking me down. Trying to adjust to a life without my dad and not always getting to spend the time I wanted with some of my best friends made things increasingly more difficult. Oh, let's not mention the extreme stress of school and my education classes and struggling with the idea that maybe I didn't want to be a teacher.

And then, winter break hit. I spent only a few days at home, but loved them all. Then my mom and I made our way to SF for the holidays. I had an absolute joyous time, and those 10 days in SF were just what I needed. I was ready to head back to IWU for my last semester.

This semester hasn't been nearly as challenging yet, but give it a few weeks. I have been trying to enjoy my free time as much as possible. And boy, have I had some great stories! I made some traditional resolutions that I have been doing a decent job at keeping. Let's see how long that lasts!

All in all, 2011 is looking up. 2011 is MY YEAR. That's what I keep telling myself. I am optimistic about the future. (Are you freaking out about graduation? Then, come talk to me! I can help calm you down.) I finally feel like I am growing into the person that I want to be in the future.

As I said in SF, "the world is about to get real." And I am okay with that. Now, if I could just find a darn apartment for next year!

HOLIDAZE.

The capitalization of the title of this entry shows my enthusiasm to be off for the holidays. This was a hella semester. Towards the end, I had quite a few mental breakdowns. I may not have done as best as could be done on some of my assignments, but I FINALLY got everything done!

Now, I am home to enjoy time with my mom, family, and friends before heading off to San Francisco on the 23rd! No one realizes how important this break is to me.

I love not having homework, sleeping until 11 (or later...), never having to get out of my PJs unless I really want to, watching excessive amounts of CSI, and aggravating my cat.

LIFE IS SWELL. I hope everyone enjoys the holidays! Oh, and I am finally starting to get into the spirit of holidays, even if they will be very different. It was the snow. :)

Rawr

I believe I may have finally isolated my feelings of hopelessness and being lost. It's the holidays. Forgive me for not being in the holiday spirit, but I'm just not. I knew this would hit me at some point, and well, it has happened. I don't want to sit in class and talk about my favorite part of Thanksgiving and what I look forward to most. When I get asked that question all I want to say is "I want the holidays to be normal." But fat chance of that happening. They will never officially be normal again. Yes, at some point in time, a sense of normalcy will form. But it will never be the same.

So that's where I'm at. Along with a billion other things that I can't describe and can't explain that are making me want to lie in bed for hours and just sleep. And that's what I did today after class. I slept. For three hours.

I've also begun to shut down from people that I care about and who care about me. Why? Because it is what I do. I get close to someone and then after a few months, I shut down. I stop letting them in. I guess you could say I am always afraid of the past repeating itself. And I just can't get over it. *sigh*

(I started this entry last night and never finished it.)