It has been awhile since I have updated the Internets about my life. What can I say?
Our trip to Seattle came and went, quite quickly I might add. I loved every minute of that trip. Seattle is definitely a city that I see myself living in. I could handle the rain because I love the size of the city, the atmosphere, the people, EVERYTHING. The minute I stepped outside, I felt at home. That means something. It means I must (and WILL) move there. My latest life plan: Move to Seattle after December, work at City Hostel while attempting to find another job. Oh, and maybe go to culinary school? You may think I'm nuts, but I like options.
Ever since I have been back to school, I have been struggling though. Vacations do that to me. It takes me an extremely long time to get back into the mindset that this is my life right now. I wish I was better at just accepting what is happening at the moment instead of longing for the future. But I'm not. I long for the future. Things are changing around here very rapidly. Every day someone close to me gets a job, job interview, or accepted into grad school. And meanwhile, I am stuck in place. I think that's what is difficult for me. I "graduate" but not really. I will still be here in crappy Bloomington-Normal. I don't know where I am living yet. I don't know if I have a summer job at the moment. And I hate that. I want to tell people exciting news. I want to say I have a job interview or I got accepted to graduate school or I am engaged. (Okay, not really the last one.) But instead all I can say is... Well, that's it. I haven't figured out what to say yet.
And one more thing, I miss my Dad. Boy, do I miss him. The closer and closer it gets to Graduation Day, the harder it is for me to accept the fact that he will not be there. It will be just be Mom, Sissy, and Naz. There will forever be a hole in my graduation pictures. It's just not fair. I want him there. And yes, you can give me the bull crap about how he will be watching over me, but truth is I don't know if I believe in all of that. I don't know what I believe in when it comes to heaven, religion, God, etc. And it doesn't change the fact that I still want him there.
